"Skate to where the puck is going to be, not to where it has been." --Wayne Gretzky

ADOPTIVE PARENTS FOR OPEN RECORDS & AGAINST ADOPTION

KESQ-TV

KESQ-TV Palm Springs (7/27/89)

Sheila

News Reporter Margo Marin, Adopter Sheila Grove,
Lori Carangelo, and Sheila's adopted daughter

"My wife and I cannot have children though we want them very much. We have tried everything for 15 years to no avail. Still, I am morally opposed to adoption and would like to see it abolished. Perhaps then fewer people would recommend adoption as a "just as good alternative."
- Posted by Richard T. Elmore, Adopter, Spearfish, S.D., USA, 5/31/07, on Abolish Adoption! Petition Comment pages.

Jody R. Landers ADOPTIVE MOTHERS AGAINST ADOPTION is setting an example worldwide. JODY R. LANDERS, adoptive mom of 6 children, is mobilizing 100 adoptive moms "to raise funds and create a world where the adoption of orphans is not necessary." Their first ...project was to raise $170,000 -- one dollar for every mother who lost her life last year in Africa during childbirth --toward preventing the loss of natural moms. "Maybe we'll begin to make a statement to the world that we're profoundly touched by adoption. We love adoption but our ultimate goal is that adoption is no longer necessary. Collectively, it could be a powerful statement." Adoptive Mothers Against Adoption have been developing resources such as "Living Goods," revolutionizing health care in Uganda with a model than can scale and spread over Africa. One woman posted to Landers' website: "My youthful desire to adopt has been hindered by the very thought that the money I spend to adopt one child could save so many 'birth' mothers' lives." This ideal is also reminiscent of the late JEAN PATON, adoptee, activist and former social worker, who favored an "Adopt A Family" approach to preventing adoptions of children in the U.S. and worldwide whose families are simply economically disadvantaged. www.jodyrlanders.com/2011/08/adoptive-mothers-against-adoption/


ADOPTIVE MOM, SHEILA GROVE, EXPLAINS “WHY I'M ANTI-ADOPTION”

(in Photo, above: KESQ-TV (Palm Springs) Reporter MARGO MARIN; with adoptive mom SHEILA GROVE; Americans For Open Records founder LORI CARANGELO; and SHEILA GROVE'S ADOPTED DAUGHTER who was "anonymous" to her biological family at the time)

Sheila wrote:
"I'm finding out that I'm not alone in my feelings and views. I see more and more adoptive parents supporting 'open records' but I think it's time that adoptive parents also begin an honest dialog about adoption itself. With AmFOR's help, we told TV viewers why my husband and I supported Lori Carangelo's efforts to help our adopted daughter find her mother. I said to local prime time TV news 'If I had adopted a dog, I would have known more than I'm allowed to know about my own adopted daughter!' I also see the problems are not magically cured by opening a sealed record decades after an adoption-- though they still need to do so. I knew our daughter's stab wound was self-inflicted--one of many suicide attempts of the past 3 years during which she had not found her mother, and which included slashing her own throat and wrists. We had told her she was adopted as soon as she was old enough to understand what 'adoption' meant. She seemed to be just resigned to the fact that she was with us. We were misled by the adoption industry that adoption was a 'quick fix' for the child's and parents' problems. And that all a child needs is love to 'adjust' to the loss of a biological reality and to strangers becoming her 'new parents' despite that she was so physically and emotionally different from us. Had I to do it over again, I would have opted for Legal Guardianship or remained a foster parent, rather than burden our daughter and us with the inequities that the adoption system imposed on all of us. I wish we could call adoptive parents 'custodial parents' which I think is more correct. We have custody of the child and only that."
- SHEILA GROVE, Palm Desert, California; as quoted in "Chosen Children," www.Amazon.com/dp/B01AU8C75M


COMMENTS BY “ADOPTIVE PARENTS FOR OPEN RECORDS”

"Through adoption, we as adoptive parents are empowered to nurture another's child. With that power comes a responsibility to acknowledge to our children that they have two families -- one they were born into and one they were nurtured by." -SUE WRIGHT, New Jersey.

"The many, many examples of adoptive parents squelching the desire in their adoptive children to wonder about a perfectly natural concern -- their heritage -- is most alarming." -SUE WRIGHT, Florida.

"Although I am the one who gets 'the prize,' I feel strongly that we must recognize the price paid by birthparents, adoptees, and, ultimately, adoptive parents." --ALYCE MITCHEM JENKINS, New Jersey.

As adoptive parents we felt fear that we might lose our children and their love. In reality, there was no loss--only gains--in strengthening of our parenting and family love." --JANE NAST, New Jersey.


CAROL F. GUSTAVSON, an adoptive parent and founder of ADOPTIVE PARENTS FOR OPEN RECORDS (APFOR), in the 1980s, then headquartered in Hackettstown, New Jersey, wrote a Letter to the Editor captioned "LEGISLATION TO THWART ADOPTEES' HOPES," published on 9-2-83, as follows "New York's Governor Cuomo signed legislation that will NOT help thousands of adult adoptees. He should have studied the FEELINGS of those of us directly involved in adoption. What kind ...of law is it that requires permission of adoptive parents to search and have contact with birth-family once the adoptee has reached the age of 18? Should adoptee and birth mother be denied knowing and loving each other because adoptive parents or the birth father do not want involvement with a person seeking basic human rights? The legislation the Governor has signed has records glued shut. I am feeling such pain for those continuing to meet resistance in their searching for each other, especially since I recently returned from my daughter's reunion with her loving, accepting birth family. Each of our adopted children found love and acceptance waiting for them - four out of four. I thank God we adopted in Pennsylvania where adoptees have access to heir original unamended birth certificates."


ADOPTIVE PARENTS FOR OPEN RECORDS was one of the first groups in which adoptive parents could publicly speak and write about the problems they encountered with adoption. Gustavson told media, "Many parents eager to adopt are afraid hey will be branded as 'troublemakers' if they ask too many questions and be passed over for adoptions. The problem is still very widespread because nobody's held accountable for the truth and the history," although she noted that in recent years some adoptive parents have been able to contact biological parents through agencies or on their own. Although adoptive parents at first addressed the sealed records issue in terms of their being prevented by agencies from knowing the family medical histories of the children they were raising, the negative psychological affects of secrecy in the child and adult adoptee took center stage as adoptees organized, wrote books, lobbied and protested to publicize their own issues

SEE "CHOSEN CHILDREN," an Amazon-Kindle e-book, for the LARGEST, MOST CURRENT IN-DEPTH COMPILATION ON THIS SUBJECT, with SOURCES